My life is just a happymess..


Just another vent post.

I LOVE tumblr for the simple fact I can vent my heart out and there’s no way anyone could see. Except for like 2 people who would actually read it and I don’t mind if they do soooo there’s that. There’s so much going on lately that I’m feeling super overwhelmed. When opportunity knocks you’re supposed to answer it right? But what if you forced those opportunities? You went out of your way, made calls, sent emails, harassed a few people, AND THEN you were offered something. Does that still count as “opportunities knocking?”

In a month I’ll be starting a new job, in a new city, a hour away from my mom, on my own. Granted, I’ll be with my boyfriend but hey, what if that doesn’t work out? Oh shit. ON YOUR OWN IN BIG GIRL LAND. I don’t see that happening, but hey, life can be an evil sadistic bitch sometimes.  In this coming month I’ll be potentially having an interview for my first REAL job. Not a job to get through college, but a job I got because OF college. 

The following month I’ll be starting at a university. Like a real college. Not one that plays Hustla over the radio station. A college with Frats, Sororities, and where I’m expected to make something of myself. And that terrifies me.

Not to mention in a month I’ll ALSO be going to Hawaii with the love of my life. And I feel HORRIBLE about it. Not because I don’t absolutely adore my boyfriend, but because I’ve been so caught up in life, that I haven’t been taking care of myself like I promised.. And I feel DISGUSTING. Never been a 10 in the confidence department appearance wise. Annnddd I’ll be spending a week half naked surrounded by GORGEOUS women with my exceedingly more attractive boyfriend.  Nice Raech. He’s amazing and I constantly feel like people wonder, “why her,” and that’s a shitty feeling.. 

Overall I don’t like it.. I’m scared.. I feel shitty, and yeah. I can’t sleep. 


Only because I wanna know where I’m at in 5 years.

Date: March 15, 2014 

Yo whats up Raech. 5 years later and it’s March 15, 2019. Just seeing where I’m at. Did you do that summer class and complete your associates?? Did you end up going to San Jose State or Cal State East Bay? Congrats on getting into college though. You smart ass. Are you still with Mitchell? If not, I’m sure that was hard as fuck and I hope you’re(i’m) okay. Are you still good friends with Katelyn?? If not, you suck and you won’t ever find a truer friend. I hope you’re some where near getting a Bachelors degree. Graduated? Is it in Sociology? Are you’re plans to still attend law school? If not do you have something else awesome planned? DID YOU GET THAT JOB WITH THAT ATTORNEY? IF YOU DID WAS IT AWESOME!? How’s your relationship with pops? Hows the whole family?? Are you still interested in UC Berkeley? Santa Clara University? USF? Where you at? Haha
YOU’RE 21 BIRTHDAY!! Was it epic?? It better have been or you’re no longer the Raechel I thought you were.
Do you still go to that secret spot to get your head together? Even better, have you found a new spot? Have you gone to Australia yet? Are you still working with Hannah and Craig? Sooo many questions!

Raechel, you’ve accomplished so much and I hope you don’t let the struggles of life stop you from doing what you want. You have the most amazing support system to back you up, don’t ever forget that.

One day you fall for this boy. And he touches you with his fingers. And he burns holes in your skin with his mouth. And it hurts when you look at him. And it hurts when you don’t. And it feels like someone’s cut you open with a jagged piece of glass.

(Source: splitterherzen)


Be a selfish bitch.

Don’t feel bad for going after what you want. 

Do that shit on your own fucking terms.

Hold a middle finger up to anyone who puts you down.

Wear what you want.

Do what you want. 

Worry about yourself being good before anyone else.

Life life to the fucking fullest. 

You run you.

You paint your own damn masterpiece.

Never fucking forget that.

Go on, girl. You better do it.